Today has been a pretty lonesome day. I spent the majority of my day at home doing absolutely nothing. I guess that is what has compelled me to right this entry, because I have nothing else to do. Josh is at the beach unitl Saturday and I have spent the last two evenings with Emma so I am sure she is sick of me. I cleaned my room, it looks pretty.

The whole reason I began to write this entry was to get some things off my mind. Unlike every single teenager in this world, I was not looking foward to summer. Granted, it feels amazing not to have to worry about homework and tests and grades and projects. But what makes me upset is that I only have until August to spend time with Josh, then he is going to Chapel Hill. I can't imagine what I am going to do without him. I hate talking about him leaving me because I start to cry almost everytime, but the thought is constantly in the back of my head. I have never fallen this hard for any person I have ever met. The last six months have been some of the happiest times I can remember, but this next year is going to be the hardest. I don't want him to leave me, he is practically my other half. I see him and I can't help but just dote on his beauty and intelligence and mere perfection (for me). I guess a lot of these feelings are being aroused in me right now because I am watching the Notebook. This movie brings me hope though because it proves that love can endure anything.

I feel selfish asking God to keep us together because I know that God will do what is right for me always. But it is hard to imagine how the presence of Josh in my life could possibly be wrong. I pray each and every night that God will keep us together because Josh has been a heavenly gift.

I guess I might stop talking about all this now, I can't even begin to express how I truly feel into this journal or put my thoughts into words. I tried... that's what counts.

current mood: sad

Tomorrow is a big day in like 35498768432157354 different ways.

Tomorrow is the big 6 months. I wonder if I can break the curse. So far so good, I'm not going to jinx myself here. I'm predicting more than 50, at least.

Tomorrow is graduation. So many of my friends are leaving.... sad.

Tomorrow marks the beginning of my senior year and summer vacaction.

Tomorrow is Saturday, and I just love Saturday's.

"Dare to be brilliant" - Anonymous

current mood: anxious

    Yah I said this thing was pointless, and yah it is, but I need some way of venting and I turned back to this. I just need to get A LOT of this off my chest so upon my return I am creating a series... a series of vents. And since I most predominately experienced this topic today, I am going to bitch about it.

I am sick of people walking all over me. This includes family, friends, classmates, teachers, strangers, EVERYONE.

I AM SICK of the fact that my mother walks all over me like I don't matter to anyone. She thinks she can cut me down and yell at me and accuse me of things I am not involved with. I am sick of her yelling at me about my grades, which are 5 A's and 2 B's, because they aren't higher than they possibly could be... when she barely passed school. And then I am SICK of her trying to be my friend after she bitched at me about nothing for 2 hours.

I AM TIRED of some of my friends thinking that they can say shit about me and joke about me to my face and I am going to sit there and take it. They haven't taken advantage of my kindness for too long. Nothing pisses me off more than disrespectful people and I guess I was just too nice to them for too long so they got comfortable in insulting me.

I AM SICK of stupid black people taking advantage of white people all throughout the day. It pisses me off so bad when there is a line of kids waiting to get through the door at school and some big ass black kid pushes everyone to the side to get through. Just because you are black doesn't not give you superiority over others. So wthat if your ancestors are slaves... that doesn't exist anymore so get over your damn attitude.

I AM TIRED of teachers piling on last minute projects and homework in order to make our lives hell. I am also tired of teacher assuming that because I am a Junior Marshall, then I must ALWAYS get A's and set an example for other studetns constantly. Get over it, I'm not perfect all the time.

I am just sick of everything... people in general piss me off. I guess today some people just pushed me over the edge.... sorry if I sound bitchy, this has just been building for a while.

until next time....

current mood: pissed off